When I was single, I lived in a studio apartment in the shape of a tiny cottage. I had a screen porch and a fenced in yard. The library was within walking distance, and I love to read. I like to check out books from the library because I feel the pressure of finishing them before they expire, and I love the smell of the older ones. I like to turn pages, not swipe on a tablet. I spent so much time alone with my little dog, Charlie, so I had no trouble finishing books on time.
I enjoyed having a part-time job refinishing furniture, lifting it into a truck, and transporting items from one customer to another. It was a challenge, I admit. I don’t work well under authority. But I love to paint, sand, and finish.
I have known myself for a long time, and I very much enjoyed my single life. Then I met a boy. He owns an art gallery, and I visited him every day. We began dating and our relationship led to marriage six years later. After all of those years, I began to be a “couple.” I love my husband and am extremely grateful to have him in my life. I would not have it any other way. We make a wonderful “couple.” Over time, I forgot about my individuality. Who am I? I look into the mirror and talk to myself, and maybe that’s weird but it works for me.
Charlie has been gone for many years. Now we have a small dog named Logan, who follows me wherever I go. I work from home, so he thinks my world revolves around him. It may seem like I have “space” every day, as I work from home, but I just can’t get away from him, no matter how much I love him and appreciate his company. Recently I realized my situation. I have been chipping away parts of myself without noticing. It is no one’s fault but my own. Now that I recognize that, I go for short walks in town and explore places I have or haven’t been by myself. I walk to the library, to visit my husband at work, and wander around without a destination. I drive alone to prove I still can, instead of riding in the passenger seat almost always. I am returning to myself again in small steps. It’s fun! I love being part of a “couple,” but don’t want to be gobbled up to the extent of losing me. I need to take care of myself.
I am giving you homework today. This is an act which can be performed whenever you are alone and feel it is the appropriate time. Look at your face in the mirror, and see who looks back. Without make-up, study the raw, exposed person behind the mask. Look past your face. Look into your eyes. See. Five minutes with only yourself in the mirror. Time it if you must, but don’t hurry. Search your soul. Remember who you are. Not your job, not your spouse, not your kids. Who are you? As an individual. Really search deep within yourself. If you don’t know that answer, or you are confused, make this a routine procedure.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
–SJB