Article 20: Life After Death

I speak often of my time in the hospital, which was a fate worse than death. I don’t know why I am still talking about it. It was such a long time ago, and so much has happened since. I suppose people grieve in different ways. I wrote a book, and I continue to write an article each week about my experience with mental illness, but I have made happier memories since those six months of pure hell.

It is really hard to move on when you have been exposed to so much trauma, but I am recovering. I now recognize my parents. I can sit still long enough to read a book. I have built social skills, and made a few friends. I have traveled. I got engaged! I have not been manic in a very long time. When I get depressed it is with reason. I wish I could say I am a better listener, but I am working on that. I am stable, and my life is happy. It took me a long time to get here.

My life lately, as I’m sure most everyone can relate to, has been drastically different from “normal” since this pandemic. I have gotten a little depressed and anxious on some days and have definitely suffered my share of cabin fever. But my life right now has many happy aspects to it as well. I am spending more time with my dog, Logan, every day. My future husband has been unemployed, so he is home. I am enjoying my time with him. I will miss him quite a lot whenever he is able to go back to work, though I hope that day is coming soon.

We are getting married, so that is something to look forward to. I don’t know when it will be safe for our families to gather safely in a church in order for this to happen, but I look forward to it and it gives me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I do miss going on vacation and going about daily life the way we previously did; but right now, I am enjoying being stable, relatively happy, and hopeful.

I like to remember events in my past fondly, knowing that those days are over, but being filled with joy that they happened.

I am enjoying some good books, going for drives in the car without destinations, and being outside in the sunshine whenever possible. Rush and I have started cooking together and building new happy memories.

I am sick to death of television. As of late, I have been working out while I watch tv so that I feel productive instead of lazy; so that my brain doesn’t turn to mush.

I have been illustrating, sketching, and being creative.

I guess I just wanted to let you all know that I am living outside of the “box” now, no matter how much I talk about it. It feels like coming back from the dead.

I hope everyone is finding ways to stay sane right now. I want you all to know that writing these articles helps keep me that way. So, thank you for reading. Stay safe!

—SJB