Throughout all of our lives, no matter who we are, where or how we grew up, we have all had a pile of expectations weighing us down like a bag of bricks.
I understand that everyone grows up differently. Our childhoods are not the same, but we all carry expectations from birth, whatever they may be. These are the expectations we bear from our parents, our elders, our peers, and even ourselves.
In my version of the world, a young child is expected to have proper table manners. We are expected to be polite; to say “Yes, Ma’am,” and “No, Sir.” We are expected to do the right thing. Not to fight; to work through conflict. No doubt about it, my childhood was a great one, but it was full of expectations.
I have three younger sisters; my parents are still happily married and my home life was safe, healthy and fun. I am the eldest sister; however, so I was expected to pave the way for those following close behind.
When my sisters and I were young, we played with Barbie dolls, as did most little girls my age. Our basic understanding of the world was played out through the lives of Barbie and Ken. They courted, kissed, and eventually got married. After that, they lived “happily ever after” and that was the end of the game unless we wanted to play on a few more minutes for them to have children. We had no idea what life was like after “happily ever after.” That was all we knew.
As a teenager, I had to learn things about life that I couldn’t yet share with my younger sisters and didn’t wish to learn. That conversation was awkward and uncomfortable, but I was expected to keep it to myself until my sisters were let in on the “secret” of what really happens when Barbie and Ken have kids.
As I grew older, I began to consider following the mold my parents had set out for me. I expected that of myself. College, then marriage, then “happily ever after.” Except that didn’t happen for me.
I was in college for five years. I never met anyone special. I moved on between various jobs. I lived with my parents and dealt with my mental illness, trying very hard to control it. At some point, I was hospitalized. I made it out, gained a lot of weight, lost a lot of weight; eventually I moved to a place where I wasn’t reminded of the hospital and didn’t have to drive past it.
We must let go of our expectations so that we are open to life’s blessings. I did not meet my expectations. Something better came along. I met my husband, Rush, and finally found my “happily ever after.” Even though we will not be having kids, we are free to find out what happens next in our lives together. Barbie and Ken may never figure it out, but I am hoping we will. There is much to be done after “happily ever after.”
—SJB