I cry sometimes. I know that’s a “normal” thing to do. I know that doesn’t set me apart from the crowd. However, there seems to be an ongoing stereotype about men not being “manly,” or too effeminate if they cry. Why? Men are people too. Shouldn’t they be afforded the same rights to grieving or showing emotion through wet eyes? I am a big believer that tears should fall as they may, even if there is no definable reason for them. Some people don’t even know why they are sad. Isn’t that in itself enough to cue the waterworks?
Much like crying, all of our feelings must be expressed in some way or we will explode at a later date. Bridges will burn. Relationships will be tested. Sometimes even financial problems will arise, and families will fall apart.
When our eyes are shedding our dearest emotions, most personal feelings, and our vulnerability is in plain sight; we are afraid of what others will see and think of us.
At times when we are not crying but on the verge, we hide our true nature, how we are feeling, and sometimes even parts of who we are. We cry on the inside.
People say, “Hi! How are you?” as a greeting. You are expected to say, “Fine! How are you?” We don’t wait for a real answer because this is a greeting, and a rhetorical question. Are we afraid to honestly spill our guts to each other, or is it just more comfortable to briefly say hello in passing? We are strangers in a world that has been socially distancing us for far longer than COVID-19.
What are we hiding behind our eyes? Embarrassment? Scrutiny? Judgment? When we really look inside ourselves, there are tiny shards of glass we can’t shake; feelings we can’t escape.
Be sad if you are, even if for no tangible reason. Let yourself be happy without feeling guilty. Feel your feelings.
Enjoy your life as much as you can, because some believe that you only have one. If you aren’t happy, something in your life must change. Seek support. Happiness is within your reach. It doesn’t come in a bottle, or a store, or online, and you can’t smoke it even if you try your hardest. Focused breathing, exercise, friendship, and sunlight are a good place to start.
Be aware that happiness does not surround anyone every day, and be kind to the grumpy.
—SJB
In Memory of Brian Bilbrey