“Dandelions” 10.14.22

There is no “bipolar.” People use this word to define a person with shifting moods. The word is not the sum of an individual. People are not “bipolar.” People may have Bipolar Disorder, but this is not their identity. The word is carried around, spread like the seeds of a milkweed, birthing dandelions all around the globe. It is a description, a label feeding a stigma. We must be gracious for the medical attention provided us, which in general is almost nothing. The mental health system lacks the appropriate knowledge to serve those most in need. Sometimes I feel we are teaching the doctors who are studying us. There are dandelions in this world who believe that mental illness can be overcome, a weakness to outgrow; believing that full recovery is possible. There is no cure.

Often, I wonder whether or not I would want to be “cured” if possible. How different my life could be. My path has been curvy with many forks, but I believe there is a reason I was born this way. I do not know how to be someone else, and I have accepted my truth long ago. This is not my definition, a label, a stamp across my forehead. I have become friends with my illness and I wouldn’t want that relationship to change. There is not a person who “was” bipolar. Gardens can be well kept, but weeds are consistent.

Perfecting the right cocktail of meds is a nightmare, which often causes side effects such as weight gain, loss of memory, instability and many other physical and mental ailments. I am a firm believer in medications, talk therapy, and psychiatric assistance, but many are not afforded these services. There are herbal remedies and other paths. Unfortunately, when people cannot gain access to these resources, they self medicate with drugs and alcohol. Suffering takes many forms, but we are not defined by our illness. We are not “bipolar,” “psycho,” “crazy,” “schizo,” or “weird.” We are different, and “normal” is boring. You are not alone in this battle. No matter how difficult, we can do this.

–SJB