When I was in the eighth grade, my fellow students and I were assigned a basic task. What are your dreams for the future?
In a job interview, you are asked, “What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in five years?” The answer is complicated. The potential employers want to know how invested you are in this position. Often, these questions are met with blank stares and wandering eyes. Sometimes we are not prepared for what comes next. As an eighth grader, I was a dreamer. My answer was broad. “I want to achieve greatness but not fame. I hope to write something people want to read.” The perimeters for this dream were flexible. What do people want to read? How do you achieve greatness without fame?
I have discovered that many people are interested in the lives of others, especially when their stories contain juicy gossip. Writers are often encouraged to “write what they know.” What better way to spread gossip than to tell the world your secrets? In my experience, the truth is not always well received. When the unknown is exposed, there are those who are quick to judge your book by its cover. Some are reluctant to open the book and continue to read, whereas others eat those pages like a dog with homework.
My family moved to Savannah, Georgia when I was halfway through my eighth grade school year. During that transition, I developed depression. I felt physically ill, but there was an additional attribute I didn’t recognize. My pediatrician was confused. No one knew how to solve this mystery.
Time in a new school crushed me for a while. I stayed at home some days, and my mom helped me to stay on track with assignments so I didn’t fall behind. The curriculum was much more advanced in Savannah than the studies I had left behind. It was overwhelming.
When I reached high school, I fell into a different phase of chaos: mania. I was lost and thought this was my new normal, until my dad took me to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder. I was relieved to have a name and a treatment plan, but I was spilling my guts to anyone who would listen; I had no filter, so most people stayed out of my way. I trusted and told the wrong people my “secret,” and they spread it around. I was ostracized. The other students treated me like I was “crazy.” The next year, I transferred to a different school to start over. I strived to keep my secret hidden.
How did I achieve greatness without fame? Years later, I trudged through Hell and back when I was committed to several different mental health facilities across the country. My secret was safe. I wasn’t famous; few people knew where I was. It was as if I fell into a deep, dark hole grasping in vain to grip the rope as I descended. After much determination, medication and experience, I climbed out of that hole and greatness washed over me.
Many believe that greatness is equal to fame; power is related to money and greed. Success is related to greatness and I certainly did not achieve it on my own. My family and friends held me close and lengthened the rope.
Years passed, and I realized that my secret could help countless others feel less alone. I shared my story with everyone who listened and the reluctance to share my secret has vanished.
I have obtained greatness without fame, and hopefully shed light with healing words. Sometimes, overcoming mountains and pushing through strong winds, dreams are realized.
–SJB