I befriended myself. She was all I had. In a tiny room with no one else, I came to know her better than I know anyone. She is my best friend. When you think about it, in the end, we only have ourselves. Who truly knows oneself on a level so deep that they no longer feel alone even when they are surrounded by darkness? I have known that loneliness, looked it in the face, and overcome it.
When I began to truly know myself, I found true freedom. I regained bits of my memory one at a time, slowly and over the course of several years. I repeat myself not to hear my own voice, but because I need to unleash some of the trauma. Also, my memory is so damaged that I cannot remember which stories I have told and to whom. You may hear several versions of the same story and I apologize, but it is part of my healing process.
Unfortunately, freedom is not free. Freedom from society’s opinions about us. Freedom from the bondage of our expectations. Freedom from our disappointments. Freedom from poverty, depression, anxiety, and other forms of mental illness.
Stand up for your freedom. For me, freedom means overcoming fear and adversity; accepting my truth and sharing it with the world; lifting the burden from my shoulders. Telling a secret that should never have been kept hidden.
Freedom means fighting to regain the wings that my mental illness stole from me; earning them back by recovering who I am.
Find yourself and you will find your freedom. Remember who you are and draw strength from that knowledge. You are never alone, whether you are in a crowded space with other people, or locked in a tiny room with no one but you.
Reach inside for your freedom, and never stop chasing it. That is my challenge for you today and for the rest of your life. Find yourself. Truly know yourself; and no one can take that away from you. Fight for your freedom.
—SJB