“Bad Guys” 04.14.23

People die every day. It is undeniable, though we deny this fact until the truth slaps us in the face. Death is inevitable, yet not always born of natural causes. In many scenarios, the Grim Reaper collects individuals long before their time.

In my own experience, the beginning stages of a blossoming bout with mania can be thrilling. The adrenaline rush is like no other; the energy and productivity stretch my mind and body to its limits. These episodes prevent me from sleeping, deeming it a “waste of time.” During these periods of confusion, I am not violent. I am not a danger to myself or others.

Turning that smile upside down, the other end of my spectrum is a crippling depression coupled with insurmountable anxiety. My limbs are heavy, and rising from slumber is a most difficult task. For days, I live as a zombie-not truly alive-surrounded by a fog so thick I may be drowning. Smiling requires energy I do not possess, even to plaster a fake across my facade. In this condition, I am not violent. I am not a danger to myself or others.

Everyone stumbles at a fork in the road. Some turn to self-medication, seeking solace behind a mask of pleasure; they cover symptoms with a Band-Aid. Others resort to violence when they are unstable. Without aid or support, victims of hardship and neglect are oft times held responsible for actions beyond their control. They are considered “bad guys.”

When events of horror befall our “normal” lives, there must be a villain. This cannot be the work of someone in their right mind. Something is “wrong” with the culprit. Before reasonable doubt, the suspect is branded with labels such as, “crazy,” and “psycho.” Mental illness is treated like a crime.

The Reaper visits schools, public parks, individual residences. He carries guns. He gives no thought to collateral damage. He murders children. He shoots innocent men and women in the streets. Death follows us all, and it fails to unite us in grief; to lock the guns away and throw away the keys. Send our children to therapy. Work out issues diplomatically. Most of all, we need to look in the mirror at the reflection of a human being with problems not so different from those around us. We must cease to point fingers, blame scapegoats, hide from the “bad guys,” and begin to realize that we are all villains sometimes. “Bad guys” aren’t born. They are the creation of misunderstandings.

–SJB

Disclaimer:

My relationship with psychiatric disorders is unique and does not fit a mold. Every case stands alone. I cannot diagnose or treat psychiatric disorders. I cannot prescribe medication. I have only my experience and my voice. If you would like to ask questions or speak to me about any particular issue, I can be reached by email. Thank you!

Kristy, please do not worry! I am perfectly fine.