We recently celebrated Valentine’s Day. Traditionally, this is a day to commemorate our romantic relationships with chocolate, flowers, and babysitters. In my experience, there are three versions of love, including but not necessarily romantic love.
Infatuation/Lust:
You meet a “tall, dark and handsome,” probably online. Sparks fly on the first date, fireworks erupt when you first kiss. Your “butterflies” are reciprocated. Most of the time is spent “cuddling.” This is the beginning. Lust hovers over the relationship, blinding view of the red flags. Quite possibly, you will soon fall out of bed and open your eyes. This is hardly love. “But” ignorance is bliss.
In Love/Honeymoon Love
Everything is new and exciting. A couple has passed the “infatuation” phase, yet that is possibly where they began. People can fall in and out of love, over the course of a long-term commitment. Hopefully they built a relationship on a foundation of friendship, because sadly, the “honeymoon” stage doesn’t last forever.
Unconditional Love
*When a statement is followed by “but,” it cannot be entirely factual.
*”You have completed all tasks. I am so proud of you, but this part needs improvement.”
*”Everything is under control, but backup would be great…”
*”I love you, but this is what you could change.”
When a relationship is solid, whether it is romantic, friendship, or family there are no buts. This love is bone deep. Loving someone with your whole heart requires diligence. A person cannot love another unconditionally if they can cast them aside when they are “finished.” When someone says, “I was going to tell you I love you, but…not anymore,” it is not love, but a lie. Real love is not easy. Hard work is involved. Truly loving someone is refusing to give up when times are difficult. Unconditional love is beautiful and stands the test of time.
On this day and all days, celebrate your love…without buts.
–SJB