“Healthy and Happy” 02.23.24

*Serotonin is a chemical in your brain that sparks happiness*

Every good day begins with coffee. I have been in the habit of ordering large, expensive drinks full of sugar and espresso. This sustenance sits in my stomach, curbing my appetite until dinner time. The lack of food intake is dangerous, considering all of the medications I currently consume. Vegetables do not make the cut in my daily diet. I do not drink enough water. Needless to say, I do not treat my body like a temple.

Since the age of sixteen, I have been struggling with my weight. I was eight pounds heavier than average, but eighteen away from my ideal. I began a diet consisting of slimming shakes and diet sodas. I was on the high school cross country team and running all the time, but I was never satisfied with the number on the scale. Once I accomplished my goal, I thought, “Yay! I’m skinny! I can eat whatever I want!” The cycle continued, throughout my life. Up and down.

When I was committed to a hospital in south Georgia, I forgot how to eat and nearly starved to death. I was skin and bones when I was transferred to a hospital in Maryland. During my visit, one of the medications I ingested was causing rapid weight gain. I was released two months later, weighing an extra 90lbs.

“They” said it would take approximately two years for my brain trauma to subside after the hospital experience and electroconvulsive therapy. After eleven years, the pain has abated and the events are cloudy; I rarely think about those days, though this is part of my story. There are; however, memories that linger. Tucked away in a bright corner of my mind, these memories are not wholly unpleasant. I made friends, I laughed, I created art. I was surrounded by people without judgement. These friends understood the struggle, we had nothing to hide from each other, and felt no need to cover our wounds. Surrounded by my fellows, who had become my family, I experienced serotonin in the form of unconditional love.

Exercise also boosts serotonin levels. I have injuries which prevent me from running. Nothing else captures that joy, that high, that feeling of accomplishment. My dad and I work out together. I have been riding the stationary bike, almost catching that high; I feel elated and exhausted. We work out during the day, with many retirees. The older athletes are dedicated and friendly. I don’t listen to music, as we converse jovially. I am inspired. Quickly, I joined this new family. I am on my way to healthiness, but have reached happiness. I am no longer starving, but filled with strength.

–SJB