Samantha Jane Buice

Living with a psychiatric disorder can be crippling. Some people find it difficult to hold a job, maintain relationships, to get out of bed. I have experienced first-hand the strain involved in faking a smile. Oft times I have wondered, “Why?” Why are people born with, or develop mental illness at some point in their lives? Answering my own question as best I can, it seems there is not a single person alive on this planet who does not have a psychiatric disorder of some kind. People are afraid to be diagnosed, to be labeled, to be treated differently than if they were “normal.” Many people are too proud to accept the fact that they need help, so they fail to seek aid. Mental illness makes waves we are not all equipped to surf. Believing there is no hope, no cure, and no support causes panic to rise and we drown in the idea that we are “stuck” like this forever. Follow the golden rays emitted from the lighthouse and know that you are not alone; there are ways to prevent a permanent collision.

Here are some methods of preventing that collision:

When I feel anxious, I curl up in my weighted blanket and experience security. I also take deep breaths to avoid panic attacks, which cannot always be prevented.

I avoid known triggers, such as food or drink that remind me of false happiness and send me spiraling. My food triggers are apple juice, and buttered brown sugar oatmeal. There are other triggers; listening to certain songs or reading particular memoirs upset my stomach. When I surround myself with too much information about psychiatric disorders, I sometimes feel revved up.

When I feel depressed, it is a huge ordeal to leave my cozy bed, my feet refusing to carry my weight. It takes much energy to fake a smile. My therapist says that on days like those I am not lazy, I am not “in the mood.” My mood disorder prevents me from being productive when I feel so low. It is especially difficult to find time returning library books or focusing on many other menial tasks. Anxiety can trigger depression. Depression can cause anxiety. My husband and I often have goofy photo shoots, just the two of us making silly faces. I print them and whenever we feel low or grumpy, we pull out that album and laugh until our stomachs ache, tears threatening to spill. Works every time.

I hope this is helpful. If you want more information, look back at some of my previous articles for more details.

I apologize for the delay in publishing this article! Have a great weekend!

—SJB

Once upon a time…

On the 13th of January, 1988, in the late hours of night and the wee hours of morning, a child was born without breath. To my knowledge, a trauma such as this can trigger the onset of psychiatric disorders in a child’s future. Her mother was a nurse and worked in the neonatal intensive care unit for a few years prior. She knew that a baby’s first breath comes out of a confused, disoriented scream. This outburst did not occur immediately after her child’s birth. The baby and her father were rushed to a room where the fluid in her lungs was extracted. Dad reached through the crowd of doctors surrounding his daughter and squeezed her tiny hand. She breathed. Thirty-five years later, she still breathes (it’s my birthday).

—SJB

One can hear, and not absorb the contents of the substance meeting their ears. To hear is not to listen. We are all guilty of growing bored of a conversation and “checking out.” Our eyes glaze over, napping while awake, pretending to listen. Some people have the gift of selective hearing. Words stream into one ear and out the other; we capture enough bits and pieces to carry on a conversation without remaining truly present. When we hear a story often, our minds fade into the background; we reach for the next moment, a chance to break away. There are people to avoid, opportunities to avert our attention elsewhere. I believe that every voice strives to be heard; but when we hear voices, others often pay them no mind. They are invisible, yet they are certainly present. Without hard proof, many people do not acknowledge the “super natural.” Some cannot hear, and choose not to listen to those most in need of an ear or a shoulder. Hearing is not listening, which leads to the wide gap between knowing and understanding.

Society has grown more tolerant, sensitive, knowledgeable about psychiatric disorders, but the stigma remains. We teeter on the edge of acceptance and denial. Knowing facts and studying areas of psychiatry is a step in the positive direction, but there is much to learn, and sufficient room for growth. Knowing all the facts, or nearly everything the textbooks provide, does not scratch the surface of understanding. Hearing is the first step, but let the words settle. Let them in. Listen, and embrace the struggling with open arms.

–SJB

In 1995, when phones were attached to walls and the internet was young, reading was much greater fun than watching television. During the course of my early education, I was an avid reader. I didn’t have a tablet or an iPhone. I read books. Remember that? My school had a competition between students who read the most books within a certain time period. My rival, Derrick Dendy, was always rising higher to the top as I trailed close behind. Very close behind. Today would have been Derrick’s 35th birthday. One could not deny that he was the fastest reader in the fifth grade. He always read thick, detailed, tiny print books. I have to admit that I read a lot of books, but did not hold a candle to Derrick Dendy. He had his nose stuck so far into his books; I am quite surprised they didn’t swallow him. He was relentless. I imagine he read books in his sleep. Those are my excuses for not ever catching up to him, not for lack of trying. After a while, I referred to him as “Reader One,” since I was always “Reader One2,” NOT “Reader Two.” Years later, I looked him up and found out about his critical heart disease. I sent him a message to ask him how many books he had read that summer, and he said, “Six.” “UGH!” I thought, having only read five. I know he is in an enormous library I plan to visit in my future, smiling down at me, having forever achieved the status of “Reader One.”

Happy birthday, old friend.

–SJB

Happy Holidays from Samantha Jane Buice, Rush Smith, and Logan Smith Buice (who thinks all of the presents are for him).

P.S.

*This post was meant for Friday (I was experiencing some technical difficulties).

I apologize for the delay,

wishing you all a Happy Holiday!*

–SJB

The holidays are happy times for many people. However; they are also a terrible pain for others. Falling on hard times financially. Sickness. Loss of loved ones. It is one of the seasons that takes the most lives. Here is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, in case you or someone you love is even thinking about this idea. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has more information and aid. There is plenty of help when/if you need it.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

988

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 988
If you or someone you know is in crisis—whether they are considering suicide or not—please call the toll-free Lifeline to speak with a trained crisis counselor 24/7

The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET.
1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or [email protected]

What’s next? Are you a Mary or a Martha? Within the pages of the Bible, there is a passage about two women who welcomed Jesus into their home. This is my interpretation: While Mary visited with Jesus and listened to His teachings, Martha prepared the meal, cleaned the house last minute, and bustled around trying to plan for the situation at hand. Did they have enough food and drink? Was there a place for Jesus to rest his head? While she was focused on the details, she missed the moment. Looking to the future, the present alluded her and she did not hear the message. Martha heard the untidy house calling for perfection. Expectations, obligations and choices guide our lives. Martha chose the kitchen. Mary chose the floor beneath the feet of Jesus.

Why do we stumble about, planning for a future so clouded one can expect surprises? Why do we hasten between now and then, ignoring our present? Now is all we have.

I am guilty of looking to the future, planning my next move, anticipating one holiday after another. Here comes Christmas! My birthday follows shortly after. Often, my husband and I vacation. I wait anxiously for what comes next, and prepare for those events. I admit, I am mostly a Martha.

Enjoy, laugh, live a life full of empathy and joy. Help others in need. Take care because you can, not because it is expected of you. Access your Martha side. There is a fork in the road, but it turns out to be a loop. Mary is within you as well. In this situation, there is no right or wrong. You choose a path forged specifically for you. Are you a Mary, Martha, or a little of both?

–SJB

*Pictured above is “Berman,” my personification of mental illness.

I recently met a woman who has a daughter with schizophrenia. The meeting was short notice, so I scrambled around my house for resources to discuss and prepared to explain and comfort her during the complicated journey of a concerned parent. As I reached for reference books and other helpful tools, I realized how little I know about this piece of my illness. During the meeting; however, I discovered that I knew more about schizophrenia and psychiatric disorders than I had previously thought!

When I was first introduced to bipolar I disorder, I scoured book stores and picked apart the internet for information concerning this topic. I wanted to know everything so that I could help myself and those who love me. One of the most helpful books I read was the “Bipolar Disorder for Dummies.” This is not a joke. Those books contain a wealth of information on every topic imaginable. Over the course of several years, I learned and experienced bipolar I disorder. During the meeting with a troubled parent, I wondered why it has taken me so long to research the other half of my illness. Rest assured; “Schizophrenia for Dummies” is on its way to my address as we speak. I have made it my mission to learn everything possible so that I can provide useful knowledge to those most in need. Also, I love to learn. would like to share a few pointers I have picked up along my mental health journey:

*Weighted blankets (gravity blankets) are a tremendous aid for subduing anxiety.

*Surround yourself with familiar people and tell your story as often as needed to help heal trauma. Many people have heard my story several times.

*Keep a journal and track your moods.

*Create a cozy atmosphere, find a comfortable place to feel at peace. Spend some time alone to become familiar with yourself (but not too much time alone, which can lead to depression).

*Laughter is the best medicine. Watch a funny show, spend time with friends, Read a funny book. I recommend “Hyperbole and a Half,” and “Solutions and other Problems.” by Allie Brosh.

*Exercise increases serotonin and gives you a happy feeling you can find no other way. It helps secure a deep sleep later. I walk my dog in the morning, and hike with my dad once a week.

*Gardening: Getting dirty on purpose and soaking in Vitamin D is refreshing.

*Track your water and food intake. Keep a food log (not to lose weight; feed your body the healthy fuel it needs). In order to stay hydrated and regular, a person must drink half their body weight in fluid ounces each day. I weigh a little under 120 lbs, so I am supposed to drink 60 fluid ounces each day. I admit that I often do not reach my target. I track both of these on my watch, because I have trouble remembering. It doesn’t have to be an expensive watch. There are many which serve the same purpose.

*Talk therapists (counselors) provide someone to listen and keep conversations confidential.

*Psychiatrists (in some cases) prescribe medication. I recommend following that regimen because I have fallen subject to the consequences of abstaining and sorely regretting it. However; that is not the only route and every body has its own system. In case you are prescribed medication, take your meds! Also, taking them with food helps your body absorb them.

*Accept the support of family, friends, and loved ones (sadly, not available to all).

*Emotional support animals if necessary/affordable (I have a small dog) are comforting.

*Sleep! (I have a lot of trouble with this one).

*Meditation and focusing breath can relax and ground a person. It can help with anxiety, irritability and frustration.”

–SJB

*I am not a licensed professional. I cannot diagnose, or prescribe medication.

These are my personal helpful suggestions.

I am thankful for all of you!! Your support helps to encourage my words. I hope you have a wonderful day with your friends and family. Thank you for reading!

–SJB

I woke up this morning with a different perspective on my psychiatric struggles. I am feeling excited, lucky, and special. I have two psychiatric disorders mixed together. Time, effort, and a great amount of juggling have caused stability in my life. It is difficult to rise above, so I am proud and happy with my work. Writing, drawing, coloring and producing books to my target audience has always been my dream, but I never imagined how therapeutic it would be for my wellbeing. Creativity brings peace. When I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, I reached out to receive all of the help and all of the knowledge I could summon. I have been studying this disorder over the course of several years. I was diagnosed at sixteen, and the medications I was administered not only kept my moods stable; they covered up the schizophrenic part of my illness. Schizophrenia laid dormant in my mind long before I was made aware. It fascinates me. In college, I wasn’t able to study psychology; at the time, I thought I knew everything there was to know, and that I would be bored. This was a delusion. I acknowledge now that I am still learning. I will continue to grow and change for the rest of my life.

Though I have been studying bipolar I disorder for more than half my life, I have just scratched the surface with my understanding of schizophrenia. I am quenching my thirst for comprehension; I read and research the work of others as I search deep within myself for answers. Frequently, I converse with my soul. Some might say this is far from “normal.” Sometimes my disorder is exciting, and cause for great happiness; other times it can be scary, a bit uncomfortable, difficult and frustrating. I have traveled a great distance to reach stability. I have a severe case of schizoaffective disorder, so this journey has not been easy. As I am living in this moment, I am grateful for the capability to share my story and to hide no more. I am not alone and neither are you. If you or someone you love is struggling, I hope to shine a light; giving you hope that every day is different. When patience is failing, remember the beautiful parts of yourself trying to break through. This is not the end, but we can take comfort in the good days, knowing that we are much more special than “normal.”

–SJB