Author: Samantha Jane Buice

I recently spent a whole day with my first little sister. She is my little sister, but she is much taller than me. Jessica has such a big heart and she is so kind. She is always putting other’s needs before her own. She listens, gives great advice, and is one of the most loving human beings I have ever met. She had a big hand in bringing me back to reality during the months I spent jumping from one hospital to another. Every time she visited me was like Christmas, and the days blurred together, so one minute she was there and no time passed before she came again. Jessica is magic. She is easy to be with and a lot of fun! She exudes wisdom. She is destined for great things! Recently, Jessica graduated with her Master’s degree and plans to be a therapist. I am so proud of her.

Jessica has always been supportive not only of my dreams, but in my life. She is creating positive change wherever she goes and has touched many lives. She will touch many more in her career and in her relationships with those around her. I am grateful for all of the ways she has changed my life, and I am honored to know her.

When we were younger, Jessica played an important role in my life. I am her big sister, but in many ways she was mine. I was a fragile kid dealing with some serious issues that became more complicated as we got older. She was right outside my door every night, asking if she could help, listening to tears I couldn’t suppress. I shut everyone out of my head. She was persistent enough to crack it.

I have three sisters, very different, but very much the same in several ways. The positive traits found in Jessica can be found in Kimberly and Amy. My sisters are my shield, protecting me on all sides. I would not be here today without them. All of them.

Kimberly and I used to write and illustrate children’s books together. Writing and sketching have always been coping mechanisms for me, and practicing with Kimberly fed my desire to become an author and illustrator when I grew up. We would spend hours coming up with adventure scenes. She would recommend illustrations and watch them appear on the page. The time we spent together like that was so precious. Kimberly is now a high school teacher. When she was in college, she asked me to be a guest speaker in one of her class presentations. I was honored. She asked me to share my experience concerning mental illness with her classmates in order to better educate the teachers of tomorrow. She inspired me to take the next steps toward change. Kimberly shared and supported my dreams. I may not have achieved my childhood goals without her. She aids in my work to make my voice heard. I am eternally grateful for her help, and her continued support in my life.

Amy is a hard worker. She is traveling the path of justice. Amy graduated with a law degree and has been saving the world in many ways. In several ways, she has saved mine. She is a rock, and she helped me out of the deepest cavern of darkness I have experienced. She is so special to me. I am so proud of her and thankful for her presence in my life. She gets things done and doesn’t take “no” for an answer. She is fun and mischievous, funny and captivating. She is the life of the party. Amy is so strong. She never gave up on me. She visited me often in the hospitals I frequented, with the conviction that I was definitely going to move past this and come home. The faith she had in me was unshakeable.

“They” say that you can choose your friends, but not your family. I would choose my family over and over again if given the choice. Family comes first to me, and my sisters are my soul mates.

Fighting to get back to my family is what kept me alive. Without them, I would be in the dark. My parents and sisters held me together, and eventually the puzzle pieces fell back into place.

—SJB

I am sitting on a balcony overlooking the beach, and my mind is full. The crashing of the waves against the shore is comforting, but easy to tune out. I realize how privileged I am, sitting here with the ocean view, the beach beckoning. The water is murky, and I have seen so many horror movies about what lies beneath. I am afraid. I do not dare let the ocean cover my waist. I forget that I have the luxury of fearing the ocean. I take it for granted. I grew up with the freedom the beach afforded me, the power to run as far as my parents could still see me.

Many people have never seen the coast.

When I was a paraprofessional working in an elementary school, we took a field trip to the beach. Some of the kids had been to the beach several times, but others had never glimpsed the ocean, despite living so near the waves. No one had taken them to see one of the world’s greatest natural wonders. I watched their faces light up at the mere mention not only about a field trip, but finally visiting such uncharted territory. Those children opened my eyes, and I realized that though I am afraid of what lies beneath the surface, I am truly fearful of the unknown. A child learns to conquer the world with an open mind, unaware and excited to learn the truths of the world, good and bad. We can all learn from these little people. As we grow older, we experience trauma that closes our minds to opportunities, possibilities, and relationships. We do not trust the world as we did as children. The world is a scary place, full of the unknown, and I believe that the unknown scares everyone.

There is much to learn if only we open our minds and hearts to one another, living in harmony with the acknowledgment that the unknown is no longer scary when it is known. Mental illness may never be fully understood by society, individuals, or even the professionals. We must lose the stigma. We must take nothing for granted, and live life from day to day, as if it is our last. We must see the world through the the eyes of our children, knowing that if we create change, they will further the process of healing and unity between everyone suffering with mental illness, their loved ones, and the people who don’t even think it exists.

I am grateful to have such a wonderful vacation with my mom, but now, as I sit here comfortably, I think of others and hope that waves of change are on the horizon.

—SJB

It will be strange to cease conversation with you for a bit, but I will be vacationing with my mom and meeting my newborn cousin. Everyone takes vacation at some point, right? Now I am taking a brief leave of absence and will be back soon!

Also, I am having a book launch to celebrate both of my books on June 26th from 10AM-2PM! It will be hosted at my husband’s art gallery “Soque Artworks,” in downtown Clarkesville, Georgia. I am hoping to reach a large audience to promote my book. Marketing is not my strong suit. I will have more information soon and will keep you updated. Please spread the word! Thank you!

—SJB

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My grandmother gave me some helpful advice this morning. She usually does. She is a fountain of wisdom, a source of strength in my life. We spoke on the phone for a while today, longer than usual. She sounded happy, and hopeful. If there comes a day when everything is wrong, Sandy puts a positive spin on the situation. God listens to her prayers, and God answers.

I have expressed my love and gratitude for my adopted grandmother, but she is worthy of much more. I would like to share a bit about our relationship.

When I was sixteen, I was helping with Vacation Bible School at my church. In the life of a preacher’s kid, I have often been roped into volunteer work. This year was special. My area of expertise is art, so I was assigned to the arts and crafts station. I wasn’t the sole leader. A wonderful, talented, energetic, fun, funny and endearing woman worked by my side. Over the course of the week, we spent quite some time getting to know each other. I learned that she didn’t have grandchildren. My grandparents live at a distance. I fell in love with Sandy, and asked her if she would be my grandmother. With tears in her eyes, she agreed to be adopted.

Over the years she watched me grow up, right by my side. Her house was located not far from mine in the Westcross Neighborhood, the distance of a one mile run and a halfway point before reaching home. I would often stop at her house for a “drink of water,” and that glass of water transformed into a soda, an ice cream sundae, and visits that lasted hours after the sunset.

If I had traveled by bicycle, my Grandaddy T would load the bike into their van and drive me home. If I ran to their house, though it was safe to run home, I also hitched a ride down the road to my house on Planter’s Lane.

I spent so much time hanging out with my grandma watching daytime television, shopping, walking and talking for hours. I vacationed at her house during the summer; when times were the hardest, I skipped school and hid out at her house where I felt safe, warm and loved. The feelings of dread and anxiety washed away with each moment I sat next to her. We have a close relationship to this day. Today her advice anchored me, tethering me to a reality that helps me face the truth without fear.

“When you fall, it’s not about how you fall. It’s about how you get up.”

Life is all about being positive and pulling through when times are hard. It is about leaving the negative feelings and triggers in your life behind, the reasons for your fall.

Give thanks for another day.

Help others.

Do something good.

Stay connected to people outside of your internet presence (six feet away and wearing a mask).

Take a deep breath.

Stay in the now.

Take nothing for granted.

Enjoy every moment.

I challenge you to enjoy every moment without trying to catch it on camera, and to limit your screen time.

In these times of anxiety and uncertainty, it is easy to lose track of time. Mornings turn to evenings so quickly. Time has confused us. It is slipping away as we prepare for what comes next, which is why it is so important to find ways to slow it down. Keep busy, stay productive, and do not take the special people in your life for granted. My life would not be the same without Sandy. I cherish her. She is a bright light in my life, and she glows brightest when I am in the dark. Her advice is sound, and I urge you to heed it.

—SJB